Blondes - short jokes

Q/A:
Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
A: She drowns it.

Q: A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat?
A: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.

Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper

Q: How do you drown a blond?
A: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.

Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
A: So she could keep the refrigerator cold.

Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: She threw it off a cliff.

Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk?
A: The cow fell on her.

Q: How can you tell when a fax had been sent from a blonde?
A: There is a stamp on it.

Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".

Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
A: She moved.

Q: What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?
A: You keep hearing about them, but never see any.

Q: How to you keep a blonde busy all day?
A: Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.

Q: Why can't the blonde make ice cubes?
A: She lost the recipe.

Q: How do you sink a submarine full of blondes?
A: Knock on the door.

Q: How did the blond burn her ear?
A: The phone rang while she was ironing.
Q:And how did she burn the other ear?
A:She had to call the 911.

Do you realize what I am?
A blonde was telling her priest a Pollock joke, when halfway through the priest interrupts her, "Don't you know I'm Polish?""Oh, I'm sorry," the blonde apologizes, "do you want me to start over and talk slower?"


You've got mail
A blonde quickly went out to her mail box, looked in it, closed the door of the box, and went back in the house. A few minutes later she repeated this process by checking her mail again.She did this five more times, and her neighbor that was watching her commented: "You must be expecting a very important letter today the way you keep looking into that mail box."The blonde answered, "No, I am working on my computer, and it keeps telling me that I have mail."


Shortage of parachutes
A blonde, a brunette, a movie star, the pope, and a pilot were on a plane.The plane was going down fast, and there were only four parachutes for all five of them.
The pilot took one and jumped, then the movie star took one and jumped, and then the blonde took one and jumped.
The pope told the brunette to take the last one.
The brunette said, "There are still 2 parachutes left! The blonde took my backpack!"


Do you see the dead bird?
A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park one morning.Suddenly, the brunette notices a dead bird. "Awww, look at the dead birdie," she says sadly.The blonde stops, looks up into the sky, and says, "Where? Where?"


Do you know where you were going?
A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.
Cop: Do you know where you were going?
Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad because all the cars were leaving.


Helping an overweight blonde
An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice. The doctor advised that she run ten miles a day for thirty days. This, he promised, would help her lose as many as twenty pounds.The blonde followed the doctor's advice, and, after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she had indeed lost the pesky twenty pounds. She phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice which produced such effective results.At the end of the conversation, however, she asked one last question: "How do I get home, since I am now 300 miles away?"